Soooo.... in my quest to be the perfect "working mum" I find myself to be lacking miserably. After 10 years working night shift in the intensive care unit....trauma's, gun shot victims....everything in between. My "self" is doing better than ever. At work I'm seeing people who tell me "you look great", "you're loosing weight", "I've never seen you look so good". I respond... that's only because you're looking through both eyes (at 2am most saw me through one eye open). I have joined the real world of Day Shift. I LOVE it! I'm home by 8pm and have absolutely no time to clean or do laundry before I collapse. With 3 boys you would think that they could keep things kept up in the house. Not so.
There is a person living in my house named "not me". I did not give birth to this person. I do not pay or receive taxes for this person. Yet they are so real. This person dosen't see chore lists. The list winds up in the trash. Not me put it there. Not me is the culprit in so many wrongs.
What am I to do? Paul has graduated and not me has neglected to register him for college. As I see it he will live with me until he's 40 or so. My 15yr old, Sam, is dedicated to leaving me the minute he turns 18 to join the marine's. Oh Joy! Thomas is going into 4th grade. At least I have a few more years to mess him up.
As the parent of 2 teens I figure it's just a matter of how badly I mess up. Will their therapy cost thousands or just hundreds? I long for the days when my issues involved peanut butter and jelly vs. ham and cheese. Bottle or breast. With Thomas he never had a bottle and I made all of his baby food. The 2 older ones were bottles and gerber baby food. Do these choices make a difference? I didn't sleep for 10yrs so they didn't have sitters. I was home days (after workng a 12hr night shift) and Casey was home nights for bedtime stories.
Now they are older. I can start to concentrate on my career (such as it is). We are buying a house that is finally big enough to accomadate all.Just in time for them to start moving out. My head is whoorling from the changes.
My 2nd day of day shift my car was broken into. The 3rd day I was contacted by legal services reguarding an ICU patient in 2002. Is this a clue that I have made the wrong choices? Our new house has been put on the auction block for leins from the previous owners, the closing date has been changed so many times I can't count. We've been living out of boxes since May waiting for this house. Pray for us. The perfection clause has long gone. Now I'm just happy to have a home cooked meal. Calgon take me away!