Let There Be ...Computer Games?

By Paul Morris
This was published in a local Sci-Fi wrag in 2007 Paul was 16.

>Do you know where the universe came from?
>Sure, you pick up a kit from Best Buy. Instructions are pretty basic, just don't screw up the jumpers when you install it or you wind up producing half beaver-half duck creatures and the females will only have two breasts. And if you really foul things up people'll start peeing through their reproductive organs. *shudder*
>You showed me that, that was scary, man. They even made it legal to be a politician. How sick and twisted can a species get? Of course, considering what you did with that tablet nonsense...
>How could I forget? And let me tell you, the tech support sucks.
>I told you not to hook the jumpers up to that Chevy. But nooooooooo. You didn't listen. Just you wait, they'll be debating which of two sci-fi series could beat each other.
>I keep trying to restart the damn thing but it's no good. I'm trying to decide whether Ebola 2.0 is worth the money or if I should just try initiating the Global Warming box in the "Options" setting. If you don't know, Options is listed under Tools between "Surface Scan" and "Karate Squid".
>Look, if there's any hope at all, you have to start over. You did a Flood last time, didn't you? Try fire this time. I understand they developed some sort of flying cone that can deliver very effective fire to every corner of the globe. Have the next daft old codger you con into perpetuating the species submerge himself under the sea.
>Thanks, but I already tried that. Wound up losing my driver for Atlantis, not only is the damn thing useless now but the little putzes made a Disney movie about it.
>And where the hell are all the dragons I made anyway? Jesus, I've got to stop buying the beta versions!
>They left. Said you violated contract. They formed a Union and hitchhiked over to my planet. You would not believe the mess they are making of my ecosystems. Did you know one actually ate my high priestess? Granted, she fought her way out and threw him into a wall, but what the heck. They've even taught the crabs how to use black powder. There's a powder keg waiting for a spark, pardon the pun.
>Anyone have a nack for the newest version? It keeps saying I can't create additional universes without purchasing extra licenses. Is anyone else tired of God having a monopoly on the universe creation software market?
>Thinks he's so special because he thought up "Let there be light". Bologny First day he barely had the thing running. By that time I already had tiny mini midget marshmellow neo nazi's on pogo-sticks with anti-pie spork rifles and rabid attack cows killing social workers and garbage men just for my amusement.

Note to readers: Mom was not impressed with this language and thought line when I proofed it for him. Told him no-way would they accept that. Boy, was I wrong. Took him 15 minutes to belt this out.